Gradually realised It's the feeling of being small, lacking and inadequate that haunts me after such gatherings The experiences that I will never have, the stages where I may never reach But also enlightened that there's so much more to the world than what's before us And whatever worry I'm having is perhaps too minor to be concerned Yet I'm also unsure if I'm doing it right by putting my worries down and not recognising the uneasiness it's putting on me It's as though I'm forcing myself to grow up But what if I just need more time to brace myself to face it 也要順道提醒自己 沒有人有必要了解你生活上的崎嶇不平 而在你決定把門封上的時候 就別怪沒有人願意敲門或走進來 尤其因為你的人生 從來都不是他們的重要事項
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From illnesses to multiple covid fear worries and guilt, to work deadlines, police report, harassment, and school deadlines Possibly the most challenging month I've had in recent years but I survived it! Wouldn't have done it without the kindest parents and friends who were the warmest fire when i literally shivered in fear - thankyou thankyou thankyou ❤ Thankyou to myself too for being brave and determined even though I'm also a lazyass and scaredycat - in joyce's words, 你比自己想像的勇敢💪 不要因為害怕再次受傷而豎起防備 抬頭挺胸做自己 沒有什麼好怕的 🙂❤
Got through it with some uneasiness which I only realised when I kept twisting my arms But yep I said it as calm as possible And perhaps the only way to overcome the fear is to talk about it till the fear dissipates But nearly Just nearly Teared - ok eyes brimming w them lol When the Prof whom I never interacted with expressed concern and gave recommendations on a personal level "if you are my daughter" as she could feel my fear and why I kept to myself The feeling of being understood and cared for Sent warm fuzzy tears to the already broken wei inside me (But I will fix it right and come back stronger! :)) Thankyou Prof, Thankyou :)
今天跟joyce說了話後 心情好像真的好多了 好像被人理解 被人心疼 讓我好好地一次過把整個事情說出來 好像放下心中的一些些重量 釋懷了不少 過後跟爸媽也談了談 媽媽出其不意的理解壞人讓我們傻眼爆笑 爸爸完全地體諒和感受讓我感覺非常溫暖 似乎 似乎 真的強大了不少 (對話間也想到 原來大大的我一直豎起保護層 對抗那些惡意攻擊 默默保護那個心裡受了傷的我 你也做得很好 辛苦了懂事的你 ❤) 我曾擔心下星期詢問時會說到太激動而落淚 但今天哭了一場後 我適應了這個心情 或許那天能更好地控制情緒 好好地 照實把經過和我的擔憂說清楚 也要謝謝jo這幾天一直簡訊關心 讓我有及時宣洩的管道 像joyce說的 我比我自己想像得更加勇敢 我可以的! // 題外話 今天工作看了17集阿嬤過世的那段 把我哭爆 (這幾天累壞哭壞的眼睛 真的抱歉了) 那個深藏在心裡的痛 原來還沒撫平 甚至也不知道有沒有被撫平的一天 阿嬤 公公 我好愛你們 ❤
This new year was tough From illnesses to fear to guilt to stress to feeling wronged It's weird and new from all aspects And I truly fear going through any of them again I grew up a little I controlled a little I stood up for myself a little But I also questioned myself Failed to exercise self control And blamed myself when I shouldn't I stand strongly for kindness But when some do not appreciate it And safety is in question Can I still stand my ground
growing up
It's like a week passed But time stood still for the family as we trapped ourselves at home with covid Now that I recall how we get through it It truly wasnt an easy journey Physical for dad and mum, but mentally for us all All the fears and worries from the moment dad was positive To knowing that uncle is positive And even till now, the fears that grandma will be (truly hopefully not) So much uncertainty and jitters And the responsibility that I must care for the two of them It was the moment when I took my tears back in and plan for the next steps that I know it's time to grow up And hopefully I did a good enough job as a pillar and cook for the two of them over the past week 爸爸妈妈辛苦了 我也辛苦了 爱你们❤ (Truly hoping for the best possible in the coming days 🤞🙏)