1921

2017 has been a year of loses I've lost a dear kin, my childhood companion, loads of motivation, sight of the future I used to dream of, part of the passion that burned so strongly in the past, and nearly all of my self-confidence. I gave myself tons of excuses, fearful of making mistakes and what others think of me, stuck in the grey area between humbleness and a serious lack of confidence, torn between " I'm being myself" and joining the crowd that unsettles me. There were so many downs in the year, of which i didn't realise how much I've caved in to excuses till this moment. That being said,  The loss of granny made me review the amt of time (or lack of) that I've spent with my grandparents Nearly every alternate weekend has been spent with either my grandpa or my maternal grandma Even though grandpa doesn't express his emotions and desires often, there's always a desire to bring him out of the house that he's somewhat trappe...

On the last working day of the year, I worked till 7pm And made Joyce wait for 40minutes But I'm so glad and happy to meet her cause there's so much energy in her that uplifts your mood and enthusiasm towards life  我不知道我們會當多少年的朋友 但我好感激有一個如此不同 卻又如此知心的你 希望多年後 我們，還是我們 

是因為覺得受委屈了才想到您嗎 還是 就只是想您了呢？ 當注意力都集中在我身上 我的本能反應就是反抗 我嘗試，卻在錯的時間點出現 我放縱，卻被莫名地點出而尷尬 我不喜歡這樣的自己 我不喜歡好多好多的自己 可是卻又一直告訴自己要愛自己才可以 沒有自信 真的好辛苦  連一個字都說不出 真的好鬱悶 我好想念乖巧寂靜也能被接受的時候 你總會在那裡保護我 袒護喔 可是你不在了 我回不去了 我沒有勇氣和自信面對長大了的大家 現實虛偽的世界 可是我只能繼續往前走 繼續走 繼續走 昨天逛街時 我看到了好多你的衣服 你那種花花綠綠的軟綿襯衫 我好想買 卻永遠都送不出去了

所有的苦痛 都在最後的那幾秒鐘瞬間停止 對不起， 我懦弱地選擇了放棄 我不想再讓你們有負擔 不想再讓你們對我失望 只好做出你們永遠都無法理解的決定 雖然愛 可是愛並無法撫平那寧靜時分刺痛著的心 無法讓停滯的血液繼續流淌 無法讓屏住的呼吸再次釋放 太痛了 太痛了 對不起 我只能放手了 無法好好道別 是害怕我無法瀟灑地離去 害怕就連最後一分鐘還是得為我的懦弱而愧疚 雖然太突然 但這始終會過去 就像我的生命一樣 來了，又走了 辛苦了 謝謝你們的諒解 謝謝你們的愛戴 辛苦了 也謝謝你們讓我知道 我已經夠好了 未來 我希望我隨風一樣飄盪 不被人看見  卻能在我愛的人身邊 當微風輕拂 你們的臉頰 觸及你的皮膚 記得，我愛你。 //  這只是一篇感想 我並沒有憂鬱，也沒有打算自殺 只是一篇， 換想如果我是他會有什麼想法的一段話 當一條生命演變成手機上划過的一則新聞 現實的殘忍確實讓我不寒而慄 但至少 這一個他不會被那些深愛著他的人忘記 所有為他而流的眼淚會流進他的心  讓他絕望的心再次溫暖起來 不管是生是死 只要心是暖的 一切或許就夠了 而我 最終離去的那一天 最終離去的那一天

Went to help dad with bringing grandpa to his clan association for an event after work on Tuesday Reached grandpa's house earlier than them and was abit fearful of going upstairs by myself since I've always went w pama But ultimately gathered my courage (fr sth that minor gosh) and went up  So glad that I did so heh Sat beside gg while he read his newspapers And brought him down myself afterwards  There were small chats - like two three sentences - and I'm thankful for these little moments with him  Though we had to leave while he have his meal w papa Glad that he enjoyed himself so much that he stayed till 1030 - which was wayyyyyyy past his usual bedtime at 830/9pm  公公好棒❤️

Turns out to be quite a fun experience Even though we learnt the mirror image of the dance through the video tutorial lol  But first time doing sth beyond scriptwriting fr a project  And with fun colleagues Though singing the song in the middle of the space can be quite awkward lol 冲啊!!!   

Attended a course on VR on wed and thurs ... by myself (awkward turtle mode) With two other CD producers and other variety ppl  Was on tenterhooks cause idk how to interact w ppl (as usual)  But focusing on the content being shared kinda reduced that fear by quite a great deal  And super thankful for the variety  producers who didn't mind my antisocial-ness and treated me like a xmm when I went out filming w them  Probably made then wonder why a girl in her 20s can be that loss for words :/  But thank you y'all!  Went to the class being pretty apprehensive cause I rlly don't think vr/360 will be widely adopted - cause the ppl who have the goggles and demand for watching 360 is rlly minimal for now But the course gave me a much wider and better perspective of the technology and industry  Got to knw more abt the content that 360 videos shld feature (def not traditional media content), the limitations of filming them (stitching)...

the second show i took part in, and currently my favourite :) took part at the pilot stage, and joined after the concept was revamped to the current till ep13 even though i only wrote one episode haha but i read the last few epsiodes and loved it the song is pretty much a good representation of how sad the aliens were at the end so much feelsssssssssssss!