Reflection

2017 has been a year of loses

I've lost a dear kin, my childhood companion, loads of motivation, sight of the future I used to dream of, part of the passion that burned so strongly in the past, and nearly all of my self-confidence.

I gave myself tons of excuses, fearful of making mistakes and what others think of me, stuck in the grey area between humbleness and a serious lack of confidence, torn between "I'm being myself" and joining the crowd that unsettles me.

There were so many downs in the year, of which i didn't realise how much I've caved in to excuses till this moment.

That being said, 

The loss of granny made me review the amt of time (or lack of) that I've spent with my grandparents

Nearly every alternate weekend has been spent with either my grandpa or my maternal grandma

Even though grandpa doesn't express his emotions and desires often, there's always a desire to bring him out of the house that he's somewhat trapped in due to how frail he is 

Every improvement in our communication excites me so much

Especially that night when we brought him home from his clan association event  

So glad that my Hokkien has come to be of meaningful use hehe

As for grandma, she has been going through a rough patch due to her blurred vision 

And even though she has been in a bad temper

Every visit that momma and I make somehow cheers her up and changes her mood 

I don't know how 2018 will turn out to be, but I hope the baby steps I'm making will make it more fulfilling and promising than the one before.

It has been a long year

The memories will stay 

The pains will be etched 

But I'll be stronger than ever before.