1921

自從阿嬤離開後的第一次跑（因為爬山的時候拐到腳） 結果經過那一個想起公公痛哭的走廊 當時才一個半月前  而現在 一個半月後  我連孫女都不是了 想著想著  連同聽見下雨的聲音 和一葷一素 又哭的不能自己了  想起那天醫院 哭得鼻涕一直流 居然吞了好多自己的鼻涕 結果口罩還是濕透 得換一張 才跟阿嬤道別 媽媽昨天說到 我們又一次沒能見到最後一面 我沒想到  因為我真的一次都沒見到 沒能再最後的最後 向他們道別 但在最後一次見到他們的時候  幸好  我們都好好地 說了掰掰 希望 希望 你們都好好的 這一個月  太多太多事了

Dreamt of ahma today - this morning when I couldn't wake up lol Her younger self and younger younger self in fact  Which kinda look like my mom actually ^^ 

This month turned out to be very different from what I imagined  Especially with the absence of ahma, whom I've already planned to have a buffet with and have her sing the birthday song beside me at her dining table   What I thought to be for certain was no longer  And I dropped into a dark space that appeared 6years ago when ahma passed away  All the plans to celebrate  The things I wanted to do The food I wanted to have  The reflections of growing old that I had Just disappeared along with you I thought it was easier without regrets  But no, not at all So many memories with you And so much love from you Made farewell so much harder in a way I never expect  阿嬤  wa sa zap liao  lao liao  But you would say  Buay la  And tell me how you're 87 ❤️

最近只要一想到妳不在 只要一想到自己莫名其妙的堅持 只要一想到他的難過和空虛 就莫名其妙地一直哭  我以為沒了遺憾 就不會那麼難過 原來好多的回憶 好多的原本那樣 現在沒了  會更讓人不捨 想妳 很想妳 ❤️

10 days ago, we bade farewell to our grandma  20 days ago, we celebrated her 86/87th birthday as a whole family  30 days ago, we celebrated dad's bday at her place to bring her some joy And 360days ago, we feasted at a jap buffet for my birthday along with mom's homemade shapeless cake  Birthdays have always been worthy of celebrations in our family, but not anymore when the precious one who treasures the occasion more than we do is no longer around  ❤️  是後知後覺嗎 這幾天好難受  一個人的時候  眼淚一直自己流下來  I noticed I'm going down the deep hole like I did when ahma passed on six years back  The unwillingness to reach out despite knowing I need to  The unhappiness from talking to others except the family ppl who share the same pain  The sense of being lost bugging and distracting me all day The sadness from facing the fact that she's not around anywhere and the grief he must be feeling, and also nothing at times  And also the joy and r...

每一次的離別都很突然 因為我們總是把日常當作理所當然  但是就因為遺憾和失去 我們才更懂得愛和珍惜 讓每一次的遇見變成值得珍藏的回憶 阿嬤  謝謝你讓我不再又留遺憾 希望你吃我扒的螃蟹是暖心的 希望你跟我說話的時候是覺得被尊重的 希望你被我那破方言逗樂的幾個瞬間是高興的  你為我留下了好多好多的回憶 我的心是溫暖和圓滿的 也希望你和你的孩子們也是  還有還有 不能忘記你那晚跟我說中文說了好幾次的這句話 失敗是成功之母 我記住了 真的  愛你 ❤️

眼睛居然可以這麼痛 庆幸的是  这一次的最后一次  我去了  谢谢阿嫲 陪我那最后的一个夜晚  ❤️

Got back to running this week Which is the first official post-school week hehe Good job!  Went fr a run w dad after working at starbucks for the day while waiting fr mom to come back And I ran the other way while he ran the usual direction  Ended up meeting up several times - prob twice per round? - and got confused at the count fr a moment haha  But it was pretty enjoyable seeing him and the the night breeze made it shiok too So 4.5km that night! Then I went fr another run with dad just a few days after - this time in the same direction cos of the rain and the crowd along the tracks And cut it short when mom said she wanted salad and I figured I can't make it back in time if I went fr another round - well I wanted salad too lol So 3.5 km it was! And after signing fr the marathon lol there rlly is a greater push factor to train and run  Nearly pulled out cos I was a lil tired after watching the para competition But heng I pushed myself on and told myself any workout...