turning thirty

This month turned out to be very different from what I imagined 

Especially with the absence of ahma, whom I've already planned to have a buffet with and have her sing the birthday song beside me at her dining table  

What I thought to be for certain was no longer 

And I dropped into a dark space that appeared 6years ago when ahma passed away 

All the plans to celebrate 

The things I wanted to do

The food I wanted to have 

The reflections of growing old that I had

Just disappeared along with you

I thought it was easier without regrets 

But no, not at all

So many memories with you

And so much love from you

Made farewell so much harder in a way I never expect 

阿嬤 

wa sa zap liao 

lao liao 

But you would say 

Buay la 

And tell me how you're 87 ❤️