「公公走了...」

The day still arrived 

And we eventually had to say our goodbyes 

Over the past few days, I thought we had seen it all from ahma’s passing, and thought we were all prepared for it since you had such a fulfilling life till age 99

But saying farewell was too hard 

Still too hard

Many memories of us flashed passed my mind throughout the day - many of which I’ve forgotten all the way till now 

Everywhere had shadows of you, with us

And I thank dad so much for bringing me along when he brought you out

Yet regret not spending more time with you in your last six months as I spent them on work

What’s worse was, on the very last chance that I could have seen you on wed, I didn’t go up but told dad to have dinner elsewhere

I always thought I had more time, always pushed the idea of bringing you out to the next weekend, 

Only that the next weekend, now, will never come 

At the very least, I am grateful that I do have several memories left, most of which are the times that we spent tgt over the past few years 

Your pink, green, red, and orange-white-striped shirts, cool hats and berets, suave sunglasses, blue checkered and white jackets, as well as the cross-legged like-a-boss postures

The stretch towards my kindergarten and Chinatown, the tgpagar neighbourhood, the garden and swings at the mrt, the boarding point at the market, sporthub, mbs, suntec, east coast, all our homes, and the back of dad’s car 

All of these places shout out to me time and again that it was you whom I have spent time w right here in the past 

And I’m sure I will never forget the little things you have once said, which matters the world to me now 

The happiness from hearing you call my name, the joy from you responding to my mix of Hokkien and mandarin, the pride I felt whenever you made someone smile or laugh, the helplessness when you closed your mouth tightly and refused to eat, the paisehness from you getting irritated by my constant nagging, the constant struggle of finding the right Hokkien vocab when I try to communicate, the 感動 from your multiple reminders for me to go back to work when I visited you during your downtimes, the simple pleasures of seeing you enjoying the little things in life, and the pride I felt when I looked upon your ring finger and know that you have always kept Ahma close to your heart even though she isn’t around anymore

You have no idea how glad and proud I am to hear how you have been such a joy to others - “the hat uncle” - and I’m really thankful that i have the pleasure of being your granddaughter 

I’ll never forget how you always consider others before you, how you show your love in subtle ways like calling dad and mum home for home cooked dinner, sleeping before 9 so that we will all make our way home, refusing to eat so that dad/maid will stop feeding you and eat their own share, agreeing to all things that will make life easier for your children/grandchildren even if you aren’t prepared for it, as well as peeking at Ahma outside the door and never taking the wedding ring down even though it became too tight fr your finger  

Small details like your thumbs up, yay/peace sign, low threshold for noise levels, iconic hold-bus-handle posture when you sit on daddy’s car will stay in me forever, even though you never said why you just have to do that 

You’re a role model that I will look up to 

And a presence that I never allowed myself to miss 

I miss staying by you and Ahma during gatherings 

I miss pushing you around places and pointing to random stuff to make you interested  

I miss helping dad help you in any way possible be it moving into the car or buying the fruits  

Essentially, 

I miss having you around, knowing that one glance towards the red chair and you’ll be right there

But,

I know,

We no longer want you to suffer from viruses and infections 

We want you to be free like how you were in the past

And eat all the tasty solid food after getting sick of the few years of blended diet 

You’ve worked so hard in life, 

And fought so well against illnesses just to stay with us for a few more moments

Even though you’ve always been working and looking on quietly in the background 

Your love has touched us in many areas that we will always remember and keep in mind 

I’m thankful that you’ve finally gotten more of my (our) attention over the past two years, even tho 2 out of 99 seems too small a fraction 

But thank you for allowing me to forge a stronger bond w you and made so many more memories together 

You’re one in an eternity 

And you’ve nurtured so many kind and responsible children and grandchildren who love you with all of our hearts 

Now that you have left for the next stop,

I truly hope that you have reunited with ahma, reconciled all the differences you guys had from the past, and witnessed how important you are to each and everyone of us

公公 

你沈默寡言 卻又可愛可親

在你和阿嬤身邊成長 是我們童年時期最美好的禮物

在你們晚年時得以陪伴數個片刻 則是我最大的榮幸

我至今還是無法想像沒有你的家

但我知道 你們都在我們的心裡陪著我們

也在我們的身邊守護著我們

放心 我們都會好好的

我也會努力讓你們最疼的ahguan好好的 

我也許還做得不足 

但相信我 我會盡我所能地延續你們的愛 好好守護他

總覺得話還是說不盡道不完

未來的日子裡 歡迎隨時光臨我的夢境

我們繼續把故事說下去 讓我們這可愛的家 享有一份因為你們而永無止境的愛

愛你們

愛家人

愛爸爸媽媽

愛你們

公公

辛苦了

愛你

一直愛你

❤️❤️❤️