菜鳥第十九期

Gran was hospitalized for the first time since I rmb for most of this week - Monday to Friday if I rmb correctly 

So while mon and thurs nights were spent at the hospital 

The other nights were spent at papas office as mama went to the hospital 

Sigh 

Mama even cried on a few nights - understandably so - and I aren't able to provide enough comfort to make her feel better 

Thought it was even worse when they suspected that sth mama bought for gran partly caused her illness 

That guilt... I cannot imagine 

But thankfully it wasn't the case 

And gran has recovered phew 

Even though she hasn't fully recovered 

At least she is now home and occasionally conscious
attaching a photo of my super cute niece that i'm not close to but played with for today haha

... awkwardz :(

a highlight of this week at work would probably be the family meeting
when the big boss expressed some of his struggles at work
and how his dream is really to be a movie director - which he lacks courage to pursue right now
him being disheartened about the performance of our shows
attempts to find out what exactly went wrong - yet unable to identify the problem 
could totally feel his pain and being lost - exactly like what went on in my head over the past few weeks :(

i think i'm getting more open at work in terms of speaking up
even allowing stupid comments to blurt out of me like scanning through a colleague's email and baotou-ing his (possibly other work) interviews - which made him panic hahahaha
but speaking outside office/meeting room is still a hugeeeeeeee struggle for me
and i kinda figured why
it's probably my inability to respond in a swift and politically correct manner that is unconsciously affecting me by making myself shut up during social contexts
i fear saying the wrong things - which i often do - and offending colleagues, such that i avoid conversations as much as i can when topics are non-work-related 
oh wells oh wells

Wed evening was spent observing a focus group discuss about our shows 

Pretty interesting and legit insights I would say 

Though my bosses disagree as their comments kinda contradict 

But I somewhat get where they are coming frm

I mean, all humans are contradictory anyway isn't it 

Shrugs 

supervisors also went through the script i wrote previously
and i do have plenty to change and learn haha
but i still think it's quite a good job for my first try HEHE
wonder if it's me being overconfident shrugs
problems were like 不符合人物性格 (which is partly caused by having a different impression of the characters from them sigh)，描述不符(like being too over cause i tried to describe everything possible when it isn't needed haha end up being too over... ok and possibly a lack of vocab sigh)，节奏太拖，and 错字 LOL

Caught Nathan hartono's performance on sing china

And I really love how chill he takes it cause result ain't an issue to him

Instead, it's only music and having fun in the process that matter :) :)

Singaporeans, me included, honestly lacks such mentality that encourages risk-taking regardless of failures 

So while much of the attention has been placed on ridiculous results 

I hope that more would learn to appreciate and adopt such mentality :)

無關結果，只為無悔

had a meal at pastamania on me - cause i want to eat it hahaha
and we ordered three mains and a pizza HAHA fatdiez
but totally satisfied my cravings for pasta and cheeeese :D

okay and a worry for next week izzzzzz
i'm gonna be the only one left w my supervisors for a few days