after whining and whining and whining
i guess, we all got sick of it, even myself, the one who never stops whining
there were so many moments when I found the right excuse to explain it all
and to blame it on anything that's available for blaming - people, brains, subject, school, and the list goes on
but just not myself
even though i do recognise that my character is probably the one at fault,
but that's not me
still not the person who's responsible
i feel challenged and, at times, threatened when things are pit against my thoughts
right, call that cognitive dissonance
but whenever that happens, i start to build up a stronger wall and hide myself in it
refusing to change, thinking that changing myself means changing my world, disappointment, yadayada
but slowly,
i start to realise i'm no longer sure if it is right in not changing
i'm coming out of school soon,
i'm gonna face the society myself in a fewyears months,
i'm starting to deal with all the different ugly sides of people that probably disgust me at times which i am still gonna face it anywhere else
but i'm still like a primary school kid.
i'm not sure if this is right,
or in fact i'm quite sure this isn't,
so i got to change
and the things is,
how?
how.
how am i gonna get this naive side of me out, or keep it hidden from views of others?
i've been deleting this word after every line cause it's like an excuse once again
anyway here it is:
but am i going to regret losing this side of me someday?
(which even if i hide it instead of losing it, it will gradually disappear without my realisation)
who am i, when that time finally comes?
BUT I GOT TO CHANGE.
I GOT TO.
i guess, we all got sick of it, even myself, the one who never stops whining
there were so many moments when I found the right excuse to explain it all
and to blame it on anything that's available for blaming - people, brains, subject, school, and the list goes on
but just not myself
even though i do recognise that my character is probably the one at fault,
but that's not me
still not the person who's responsible
i feel challenged and, at times, threatened when things are pit against my thoughts
right, call that cognitive dissonance
but whenever that happens, i start to build up a stronger wall and hide myself in it
refusing to change, thinking that changing myself means changing my world, disappointment, yadayada
but slowly,
i start to realise i'm no longer sure if it is right in not changing
i'm coming out of school soon,
i'm gonna face the society myself in a few
i'm starting to deal with all the different ugly sides of people that probably disgust me at times which i am still gonna face it anywhere else
but i'm still like a primary school kid.
i'm not sure if this is right,
or in fact i'm quite sure this isn't,
so i got to change
and the things is,
how?
how.
how am i gonna get this naive side of me out, or keep it hidden from views of others?
i've been deleting this word after every line cause it's like an excuse once again
anyway here it is:
but am i going to regret losing this side of me someday?
(which even if i hide it instead of losing it, it will gradually disappear without my realisation)
who am i, when that time finally comes?
BUT I GOT TO CHANGE.
I GOT TO.
