my grandma, and the fearful encounter with death
it was supposed to be a good night,
but a news struck the family,
and all that was left,
was fear.
just as i finished typing the prev post,
a call came in and i was informed that my uncle will be sending me to hospital,
and at then,
i realised it would be way pass the visiting hours when i reach.
i wasn't told why, but i got a clue from their hasty words,
a clue that something was wrong.
filled with fear, especially when i'm all alone in the house,
i fear that whatever i imagined would come true,
i fear the sense of loss that we would all feel if it truly happened,
i fear the grief that would accompany whatever that may come.
when i was in the car,
everything, everywhere, everyone was in a rush,
a question "what did your mum told you in the call" made me even more wary,
and thank god, thank god that a call came and said, "tell him it's okay, there is no need to rush".
a burden off my mind,
but another fear that what i thought really happened,
and worried, worried for the situation she is in,
and what the future has in place for her, and us.
met my mum and she said, "everyone's up there, doctor called and informed that the heart failed to work."
she looked panicky, she looked afraid,
there was no way for me to show my fear,
so i kept a hold on myself,
and went up,
hoping for the very best.
luckily, luckily,
she's there.
a little drowsy, a little happy,
a little lost, a little innocent.
and she called, "xiaowei",
and there came that sense of relief and joy.
i approached, and stayed with her for that short little half hour,
with soothing and comforting words,
that's the first, first ever time that i physically express my concern
first time feeling that i am doing something for my grandma,
but then again, has it came too late?
when i was on my way back,
so many memories of her came into mind,
yet so much more guilt overwhelmed me,
for my stupidity and mentality to take her for granted.
i want my grandma back,
i want my healthy grandma back...
can you imagine...
your dad crying?
the image itself, despite not seeing it, aches my heart enough.
人常說生離死別是無可避免的人生過程，
但我寧可離開友人一千次、一萬次，
我也不要因任何親人經歷死別...
but a news struck the family,
and all that was left,
was fear.
just as i finished typing the prev post,
a call came in and i was informed that my uncle will be sending me to hospital,
and at then,
i realised it would be way pass the visiting hours when i reach.
i wasn't told why, but i got a clue from their hasty words,
a clue that something was wrong.
filled with fear, especially when i'm all alone in the house,
i fear that whatever i imagined would come true,
i fear the sense of loss that we would all feel if it truly happened,
i fear the grief that would accompany whatever that may come.
when i was in the car,
everything, everywhere, everyone was in a rush,
a question "what did your mum told you in the call" made me even more wary,
and thank god, thank god that a call came and said, "tell him it's okay, there is no need to rush".
a burden off my mind,
but another fear that what i thought really happened,
and worried, worried for the situation she is in,
and what the future has in place for her, and us.
met my mum and she said, "everyone's up there, doctor called and informed that the heart failed to work."
she looked panicky, she looked afraid,
there was no way for me to show my fear,
so i kept a hold on myself,
and went up,
hoping for the very best.
luckily, luckily,
she's there.
a little drowsy, a little happy,
a little lost, a little innocent.
and she called, "xiaowei",
and there came that sense of relief and joy.
i approached, and stayed with her for that short little half hour,
with soothing and comforting words,
that's the first, first ever time that i physically express my concern
first time feeling that i am doing something for my grandma,
but then again, has it came too late?
when i was on my way back,
so many memories of her came into mind,
yet so much more guilt overwhelmed me,
for my stupidity and mentality to take her for granted.
i want my grandma back,
i want my healthy grandma back...
can you imagine...
your dad crying?
the image itself, despite not seeing it, aches my heart enough.
人常說生離死別是無可避免的人生過程，
但我寧可離開友人一千次、一萬次，
我也不要因任何親人經歷死別...
